Chapter 41 - on being a wife

if there's one question that i could live without hearing ever again, it would be, "so how is married life?"

i don't like this question because i don't know how to answer it, at least, not in the way i think people expect.

it feels loaded, and it feels like the asker has a certain kind of response in mind.

my only answer is: no different than life whilst in a relationship. except, of course, we're now legally bound to one another.

because that is really the only difference. well, hm, maybe not. i now refer to my boyfriend as my husband, we now have a shared bank account, and we talk about the idea of having kids without freaking each other out. and oh yeah, i'm supposed to change my name. this is unfortunately a thorn in my side.

i am embarrassed to admit it. i am ashamed to feel it. i am terrified that this feeling will be misconstrued. but the simple truth is: i love my name. it has been a pain in my ass my whole life, and that pain has grown on me entirely.

i have never met a person who could pronounce my full name. i used to dread the first day of school, where the teacher would inevitably mispronounce my name during roll call, bringing attention to the fact that i was different from everyone else and their pronouncable names.

but time changed that. and i now appreciate my differences. they are a part of me. and it begins with my name.

to change my name changes me. juliet suggested that a rose called by any other name would smell as sweet. and when one talks about roses, she is absolutely right. but we're not talking about roses this time around.

i am what my name means to me.

and it doesn't change one iota of who i am as a wife.