Chapter 45 - Une Grave Erreur

I have been asleep all day. Trying to escape the dreariness and the grey, the sound of the rain against the windows even penetrated my dreams. There is no escaping this feeling; I am unhappy.

I have been more lost than I have cared to admit to myself, and now I find myself in England. Although I am unsure of where I want to be, being here makes me feel certain that this place isn't for me. And this terrifies me because I cannot leave; I am stuck here, like a prisoner, of a marriage, that I cannot help but doubt now as well.

I try to relate to this feeling, I try to remember feeling this before, and I can't. I'm not so sure I've ever been to a place that felt this wrong to me.

My solution thus far has been to find work, lots of work, that will keep me busy and away from home, away from the place of "It's not pickle, it's gherkin, and it's not chips, it's crisps"... oh what have I done? This is not the way it was supposed to be.

I can't find it in myself to even try to mask these feelings; a smile brings tears to my eyes. The fatigue of not knowing how to cope is strong and heavy over me; I fear I shall be sleeping quite a lot.

The grey outside is a mirror to the grey in me, and I fear I shall not see the sun anytime soon.

Paris, I miss you.

Chapter 44 - Say good-bye to Paris

i'm drivin' through the city tonight
under these lights in a hot new rent-a-car
i watch the lovers from this heavy machine
it's always the same cliché scene from afar
say goodbye to paris
say goodbye, my baby
say goodbye to paris
say goodbye, my baby

i'll finally be takin' care of things for a while
and this style fits so right for my attitude
they had me sitting with my back to the door
now i won't be sitting anymore
say goodbye to paris
say goodbye, my baby
say goodbye to paris
say goodbye, my baby

movin' on is a chance you have to take
any time you try to keep it together
say a word out of line
and you find that the friends you thought you had
are gone forever

so many faces in and out of my life
some will last
some will just be now and then
life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
i'm afraid it's time for goodbye again
say goodbye to paris
say goodbye, my baby
say goodbye to paris
say goodbye, my baby