I feel silly. No, more along the lines of stupid actually. For actually thinking that things could fall into place so easily. As the seasons change, so to life's cycles, and looks like my up and up is slowly turning towards a down and lower.
As things come to light, other things fall into shadow, and it's hard to find your footing sometimes between the two. I am happy to be here in Paris though, spending my time working and talking to wonderful people, and then spending the rest of my time skyping with friends all over the globe. I find strength in knowing the people I know; people who I am all so very fond of.
These times are tough emotionally. Don't know if it's the situation or an imminent period, but either way, I've cycled through every emotion in the book in these past 24 hours, and I'm exhausted now.
I look forward to going to sleep. Waking up to a new day. Starting fresh.
In Paris.
Again.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Chapter 24 - Time
Time can be nothing, or it can be everything.
Some things thrive with time, others whither and die.
I imagine this is why they call it a test.. the 'test of time'...
And it is a test.
It's like holding your breath
Under water
Whilst swimming laps.
But then, you come up for air. And you look around, and check out how far it is exactly that you've gotten... And no matter the distance, you're usually glad to have at least gotten this far...
I think that in the end, time is most definitely a blessing in disguise.
No matter how much it sucks to hold your breath.
Some things thrive with time, others whither and die.
I imagine this is why they call it a test.. the 'test of time'...
And it is a test.
It's like holding your breath
Under water
Whilst swimming laps.
But then, you come up for air. And you look around, and check out how far it is exactly that you've gotten... And no matter the distance, you're usually glad to have at least gotten this far...
I think that in the end, time is most definitely a blessing in disguise.
No matter how much it sucks to hold your breath.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Chapter 23 - Can't say I love you (Part II)
My lips may have to stay sealed, but I still have the rest of my body.
With my arms, I can wrap myself around you.
With my eyes, I can smile.
With my lips, I can kiss you,
And with my heart I can love, silently.
My caresses will be soft,
My words kind,
And my patience never-ending.
One day, sooner or later, you'll know my sentiments for sure.
I think my actions might give it all away before then though.
With my arms, I can wrap myself around you.
With my eyes, I can smile.
With my lips, I can kiss you,
And with my heart I can love, silently.
My caresses will be soft,
My words kind,
And my patience never-ending.
One day, sooner or later, you'll know my sentiments for sure.
I think my actions might give it all away before then though.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Chapter 22 - Can't say I love you
Retrospect shrinks moments.
Looking back, it hasn't even yet been two weeks, and yet these experiences feel like they've lasted a lifetime.
The man I've recently met is bouleversing my little world, and he's soon to leave.
So there's a lot I can't tell him. And he knows it. He has a lot to tell me, but he too knows we need to wait.
And so we will.
And one day in the future, I'll have the opportunity to say the things I know I already want to say.
Like I love you.
I can't say I love you, yet.
Looking back, it hasn't even yet been two weeks, and yet these experiences feel like they've lasted a lifetime.
The man I've recently met is bouleversing my little world, and he's soon to leave.
So there's a lot I can't tell him. And he knows it. He has a lot to tell me, but he too knows we need to wait.
And so we will.
And one day in the future, I'll have the opportunity to say the things I know I already want to say.
Like I love you.
I can't say I love you, yet.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Chapter 21 - On a cold winter's night
One thing I'll always love about Paris is the closing time at bars. When it's time to go, it's time to go, and quickly the street fills up with the patrons of the night.
This time around, I found myself amongst friends of friends, and after a quick exchange with one man in particular and then a declaration that I had to head home, he offered me one of his gloves. He told me to return it to him the next time we saw one another.
I left it at home the first day I had it. I was fearful that I might lose it.
I carried it on the second day though, in the hopes that perhaps I'd see him later in the night, once I got out of work.
And I did.
We spoke during the day and made plans to see one another late in the evening, at the same bar we had met at. He waited for me outside the bar, in the once again freezing Parisian air. As I made my way to meet him from work, he sent me numerous texts about how cold it was outside, and how cold his hand was. I laughed my whole way there.
When we met up, I quickly handed over the glove, which he then promptly put on, and we headed in for a quick drink.
Three drinks later, we were back out on the street. Closing time strikes again.
For over an hour, he and I sat in a window sill in the cold, talking, smoking cigarettes, and laughing. And then we kissed, and everything was still.
I had known that I would kiss him by the end of the night. Earlier, as we were packing up our belongings as we headed out of the bar, I picked up his jacket and gloves to hand to him, upon which moment I discovered that he had 2 different gloves in fact. When I asked him about it, he admitted that he had in fact lost the match to the one I had, later the same night that he had given me mine. But he knew he had to come with one glove, so he picked the closest glove he could find.
Not to mention, the one he wore to meet me didn't remotely look like the one I had.
Ah, funny how things just kind of happen...
This time around, I found myself amongst friends of friends, and after a quick exchange with one man in particular and then a declaration that I had to head home, he offered me one of his gloves. He told me to return it to him the next time we saw one another.
I left it at home the first day I had it. I was fearful that I might lose it.
I carried it on the second day though, in the hopes that perhaps I'd see him later in the night, once I got out of work.
And I did.
We spoke during the day and made plans to see one another late in the evening, at the same bar we had met at. He waited for me outside the bar, in the once again freezing Parisian air. As I made my way to meet him from work, he sent me numerous texts about how cold it was outside, and how cold his hand was. I laughed my whole way there.
When we met up, I quickly handed over the glove, which he then promptly put on, and we headed in for a quick drink.
Three drinks later, we were back out on the street. Closing time strikes again.
For over an hour, he and I sat in a window sill in the cold, talking, smoking cigarettes, and laughing. And then we kissed, and everything was still.
I had known that I would kiss him by the end of the night. Earlier, as we were packing up our belongings as we headed out of the bar, I picked up his jacket and gloves to hand to him, upon which moment I discovered that he had 2 different gloves in fact. When I asked him about it, he admitted that he had in fact lost the match to the one I had, later the same night that he had given me mine. But he knew he had to come with one glove, so he picked the closest glove he could find.
Not to mention, the one he wore to meet me didn't remotely look like the one I had.
Ah, funny how things just kind of happen...
Chapter 20 - C'est possible que je t'aime
It had to be you... it had to be you.
I wandered around and finally found that somebody who could make me be true...
could make me be blue, and even be glad just to be sad, thinking of you...
Some others I've seen might never be mean,
might never be cross,
or try to be boss
But they wouldn't do.
For nobody else gave me a thrill
With all your faults, I love you still
It had to be you, wonderful you
It had to be you ..
Paris, thank you for bringing us together on your cold winter evening... thank you for letting us find warmth in each other's arms... thank you for this crazy crazy life.
I wandered around and finally found that somebody who could make me be true...
could make me be blue, and even be glad just to be sad, thinking of you...
Some others I've seen might never be mean,
might never be cross,
or try to be boss
But they wouldn't do.
For nobody else gave me a thrill
With all your faults, I love you still
It had to be you, wonderful you
It had to be you ..
Paris, thank you for bringing us together on your cold winter evening... thank you for letting us find warmth in each other's arms... thank you for this crazy crazy life.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Chapter 19 - Day 5; 360 more to go
The year has started off in ways I did not expect.
Some ways better than others.
Even in the moments of downfall though, experience has taught me that unlikely situations often arise. And they often end up being relatively favorable as well.
I'm beginning to think that it is a shame to spend time being disappointed when life 'serves you lemons'. If the time spent being disappointed was instead spent continuing on with life, then things have greater potential to turn out well in the end...
or at the very least along the way.
Some ways better than others.
Even in the moments of downfall though, experience has taught me that unlikely situations often arise. And they often end up being relatively favorable as well.
I'm beginning to think that it is a shame to spend time being disappointed when life 'serves you lemons'. If the time spent being disappointed was instead spent continuing on with life, then things have greater potential to turn out well in the end...
or at the very least along the way.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Chapter 18 - Bonne Année
I didn't know that midnight had struck.
I was working, and standing by the kitchen waiting for plates to be served.
All of a sudden the music was turned up, and a woman at a table within my view stood up and started dancing. She then reached for everyone around her table and kissed each one. I thought it was someone's birthday.
I turned back to la cuisine and everyone was hugging. Then I heard someone say bonne année.
The only thought running through my mind at that moment was of all the people who had been counting down to this moment for the past 60 seconds. I almost shed a tear of joy. Before I could though, a fellow waiter spun me around to kiss and hug me what a new years hug and kiss should be.
And so I rang in the new year with a smile.
Instead of a tear.
Even if it was a tear of joy...
Happy 2009 Paris. Thank you for letting me get this far. :)
I was working, and standing by the kitchen waiting for plates to be served.
All of a sudden the music was turned up, and a woman at a table within my view stood up and started dancing. She then reached for everyone around her table and kissed each one. I thought it was someone's birthday.
I turned back to la cuisine and everyone was hugging. Then I heard someone say bonne année.
The only thought running through my mind at that moment was of all the people who had been counting down to this moment for the past 60 seconds. I almost shed a tear of joy. Before I could though, a fellow waiter spun me around to kiss and hug me what a new years hug and kiss should be.
And so I rang in the new year with a smile.
Instead of a tear.
Even if it was a tear of joy...
Happy 2009 Paris. Thank you for letting me get this far. :)
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